You can score
I didn’t know you could score other than kicks, and touching down.
Month: January 2010
Literally exactly what happens
My old tool kit my dad got me like five years ago for Christmas has dwindled to a hammer and five of the exact same adjustable wrench. Like I’m pretty sur...
It’s both
She came over specifically to tell me I’m a good editor.Are you sure she didn’t say that you were a good eater? They sound pretty close.
Fair enough
Well, you know — you win some, you lose some. Other times I just blame you for my problems.
Like usual
It was an excellent use of my time. I did nothing while she worked.
That will work well
I just need to start going up to girls and saying, “I want to be a stay-at-home dad, and you look pretty well-to-do…”
Only if you wear the tie
Do you think I’ll get looks for wearing a v-neck? Like is it too dressy to work out in?
Sexy or something
I had a dream about you the other day. I think it was sexy or something.
Not well IMHO
No, he doesn’t play, but he’s a professional appreciator.…What does that pay?
Not much time tho
I don’t know if I’ve told you this, but my life dream is to be a rock star.…There’s still time.
Thankfully
You don’t see a lot of papier-mâché pizza these days.
We all feel bad
You being an idiot doesn’t make me feel bad for you, it makes me feel bad for me.
How bout that ass
You’re getting payback.How about your ass being the payback for my whole life?
Only one of us can die
No more big. Stay small. We’re running out of mushrooms.Only one of us can die.
Get your own manta ray
Get your own manta ray.
Deal
He should just go lie down and not say anything for ten years.
Time is relative
But it’s No-Drink January… Ahhhh, I’m over January anyway. Stupid month.
The sound of my voice compels you
I don’t want to deprive you of the sound of my voice — I know how depressed you get.Shut up.
Obviously
I’m too good for food, obviously.
#science
I’m just saying, the poop spreads to the whole house.
Don’t judge me
…Hence why i can’t stand the smell of Dial today. Or the taste.Um, if you could stand the taste of soap, I’d think you were weird.
There’s still time
At least he didn’t flit over here like a woods sprite. I was nervous.
Right Christian of you
In these tough economic times, I think it would be right Christian of you to hire one of those people from medieval times to hang out underneath the toilet hole...
You can never uninvite me
How can I uninvite you?
Next time boss
Next time when you ask “what should his password be,” and I say “like a license plate,” try a5h8t6J7 instead of the guy’s f***ing ...
Kim chee is definitely a finger
I can count on the fingers of one hand foods that I legitimately do not like, and kimchee is one of those fingers.
Clean laundry becomes dirty
I think there’s only so long clean laundry can sit out unfolded before it becomes dirty laundry.
Thanks for being upfront about it
I may be easy, but I’m not cheap.
Different doctrines, similar challenges
Catholic girls and New Age Christian girls are very different.But the challenges are very similar.
It was an important event
That was when we cried, and then had victory nachos.
I can back that up
I’ve always been warm to Aaron Rodgers.
Dude you don’t know
I honestly don’t think they investigate discount fraud for magazine subscriptions too heavily.
Calling all ball sacks
I just want to be like, everyone needs to find their ballsack and act on it.
So which one can I use
One of these works most of the time, and one of them doesn’t work half of the time.
Flag Day means romance
Are you engaged yet? No. I’m waiting for Flag Day. Ah — the most romantic of all holidays.
Thank you?
I’m not sure if you can answer this, but maybe you can because you’re from the past.
Sounds about right
I’m Catholic — I feel terrible!
I too cannot believe this
Oh my god, I can’t believe I made it this far without dying.
A lot of people manage actually
It’s hard to make it when you only have two balls.