Just so I know where I stand
We joke because we hurt.
Month: June 2010
Both
Are you making fun of me or are you fingers not finging today either?
Audrey Hepburn or laundry
Is that your Audrey Hepburn look?No, it’s my I-need-to-do-laundry look.
Understandable
I think I lost it last night in my car when I was listening to Peter Gabriel.
No
Can we just make a pact where your poop stays inside your body?
Actually a diagram
No — a Venn diagram isn’t a drink, it’s a diagram.
Well shut up then
I don’t have to use words. I’m too good for words.
Memorable habit
I guess I’m kind of hard to forget. I mean, I throw pumpkins at people’s faces. That doesn’t happen too often.
Interesting habit
He’ll probably poop out of habit, but at least you’ll be safe.
She disagrees
I think I was more slowdancing with your mother.
Keep up the volunteer work
Ok, just continue to do nothing, and we’re good.…Can I have that job?
So perfect then
I look like Björk if she’s electrocuted.
What do you think I’m doing exactly
Do you have a sweater shaver?No, but I have a PedEgg, that might work.
Masks and robes
Hey, the Ninja Turtles don’t wear anything but belts, and their sensei wears a kimono.They also wear masks.Yeah, but they’re not fooling anyone.
Shhh listen
You could hear the poop fall out of the trees!
The best day
I had my iPod on and I was walking along the river, and all of a sudden I was surrounded by a group of Corgis and lesbians. It was the best day.
What good are you then
I don’t actually know how to make boobs bigger. That’s one thing I haven’t learned how to do.
Rarely ends well always
Getting people drunk in order to do something is always a great first step. It alwasy ends well. …Well, it rarely ends well.
Accurate
The first time I met her she was dressed like Madonna.
Either way
I’m going to look like Audrey Hepburn, or a scientist.
I would eat tacos every day
Tacos? If I get tacos again tomorrow I am jumping off this boat.
Reach for the stars sir
In a utopian society, like in Star Trek or something, I would be, like, a high-ranking assistant administrator.
What do you mean now
Although now I’m going to make a point of pooping in the showers of friends with dogs, just so they get confused.
Lucky
I just saw a guy with a perm. Just sayin’. Totally made my morning.