Kids and mimosas
I always say, if you have to crawl through a pile of kids to reach the mimosas, get that shit over with as early as possible.
Month: April 2016
I too wish this
I wish I were a seventy-year-old male so that I could fully appreciate us.
European shorts
I don’t think you’re allowed to wear underwear in front of the children. They’re shorts. I’m European.
Quit slacking and start barking
Hey, why haven’t you barked at any of these children yet? Do I have to do everything around here?
Bring your socks
Listen to me very carefully. Each of you needs to bring two pairs of socks: one to wear and one because someone is going to forget their socks. Does everybody u...
Inanimate objects
It’s only going to move if I move it. That’s what it means to be inanimate.
Is it because her name is too long? Maybe it’s
Is it because her name is too long? Maybe it’s because her name is too dumb.
Can’t hold a burrito
What’s a roti? It’s a burrito you can’t hold.
Let’s be a man
Maybe you and I together will be “a man.”
Shirts or prosthetics
Important question: are Star Trek shirts in order, or are we going straight prosthetics?
I don’t know if I’ve ever really given myself su
I don’t know if I’ve ever really given myself such a long and convoluted way of amusing myself, but holy shit do I amuse myself.
Six weasels, sixteen beers
Anyway, you’re six weasels with at least sixteen beers is my point.
Is there a point at which eating chocolate espress
Is there a point at which eating chocolate espresso beans will save me?
Hey, your makeup looks really good in this photo.
Hey, your makeup looks really good in this photo. Oh, I’m just tired. Well, I like your resting bitch face. Oh, that’s just my face.
Do it now
You have to come home and be handsome in front of us.