Category: Cooking & Eating

You know the single best way to make vegetarian food taste better? Bacon.

I got a little lit up last night by myself and started eating like an asshole.

It’s 9am and I have a hankerin’ for some pasties.

Oh yeah. A lotta fermented bananas that weekend.

He high-fived me in the face for a piece of bacon.

The power of soup compels you!

You shake that moneymaker, because I want some more kimchee.

Maybe I will wake up a little bit and have some wine and eat a ball.

It’s the first time I’ve seen him make anything from a recipe other than taco meat.

If I wasn’t so full, I think I’d be angrier. All this food is making me kind of docile.

So, these corn burgers are made out of fungus…

Do we have any dessert-type material? Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

Yeah, it’s a complete protein. So you can eat it and feel good, and feel smug at the same time. Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

Cheese + meat is probably also good to stuff into meat. Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

You should make some ludafisk! No. We’d get evicted. Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

You know how I hate accidental cheese. Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

I don’t like creme brulee — isn’t that the burned pudding? Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

Can we do it, while I’m eating lamb? Yeah — if I can tell people that story. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

I can’t eat any more food or I’ll fall asleep. Do you want me to punch you in the face? Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

Are you trying to fatten up your bridesmaids? Is this a Hansel and Gretel meal right now? Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

You are bigger than a taco. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

I have to see if I locked my car. I have muffins in there. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Do you have seven dollars and a hankering for the sweat-sniffles? Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

It’s not even a real sandwich. It’s like someone cut open this baguette and meddled with it. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

All of that happened because of a blackberry torte. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Want some? It’s not that good, but it’s warm and salty. Ok, that came out wrong. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Is there cream on the table? Yes, but if you’re feeling insecure you can bring some more. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

That plus granola could pass as breakfast. More like elevensies. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Cupcakes are slutty muffins, that’s what they are. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Is it the stuff that’s spicy or the thing that’s spicy? Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.3

Ok, I’m going to store one leg in the freezer, and one leg hanging out of the freezer… Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.0

That soup was made of awesome. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.0

I made the ranch myself! Really? It’s really good! Yeah — its just milk, mayonnaise, and Hidden Valley Ranch. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.0

Give the fake sodium to the needy. Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.9

No one eats just one Cheeto. That’s just preposterous. Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.7

Thanks for the strange meat! Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.7

Is this an old or a new dishwasher? That’s an oven. Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.7

I hate to go to vegetarian restaurants without a tape measure. Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5.2

Mmmm, tastes like high blood pressure. Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.8

This is for decoration, not your mouth. Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.8

I want to cry right now I’m so happy. I want to shove it in my mouth. Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.7

I’m annoyed by the lameness of the appetizers sampler. Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.1

I once force-fed a vegan bacon. Well, not on purpose.

Ok, there’s food here, and there’s brats too.

Tacos? If I get tacos again tomorrow I am jumping off this boat.

So the Hindu reading guy left me a free copy of his book and it smells so good. Like an Indian spice buffet. I keep sniffing it because it smells like coriander...

I don’t believe in honey.…it’s not a myth.

See, it’s like trout and pizza. You wouldn’t want to eat a trout pizza.

Then again, I also saw him eat a raw hamburger off a rock, so…

I remember very clearly trying to make a peace offering with an ice cream cone once.

You’d think if you ate a whole can of salmon there wouldn’t be any fat in it.

Today would have been a good day for someone to bring in nachos for the whole office.…Why?Because today is a good nacho day.

You don’t see a lot of papier-mâché pizza these days.

I’m too good for food, obviously.

I can count on the fingers of one hand foods that I legitimately do not like, and kimchee is one of those fingers.

The best thing about bacon grease is that you can just leave it in there.

I don’t know if I can justify eating real food today. I didn’t do any real things.

If I like him, you owe me sushi. If I hate him, you owe me sushi.

Did you just say “two thousand Ramen”? Because that would be like, twenty bucks!