Category: Drinking

I was pretty drunk when I broke that bottle and left.

When I think of skunky, I think of a really bad Heineken.

We need to email him some beer.

Let’s have a toast to cocktails. Here’s to cocktails!

Every day I get dressed for work I feel like a PBR inside an Indeed coozie.

I feel like a medieval warrior with this wine glass.

If brats are boiling in beer, don’t drink the beer.

Well, this was kind of a shitty pour. But the good news is that it’s still beer. I didn’t alter it in any way.

Alright, who jizzed in my beer? That’s my beer! Who jizzed in your beer?

They had Stag on special. What’s Stag? A terrible beer. I had two.

We need to stop at the liquor station. The liquor store? I’ve heard it both ways.

Oh, you’re spilling your beer… I always spill my beer.

This tastes like elf shit.

It smells like…alcoholism and friendship.

I don’t know why, but every time I see a bottle of Korbel my wiener gets a little hard.

She just almost cheersed that old lady in the face.

What kind of beer do you want? Just a regular beer.

I used to stock Rumpleminz, but every time I’d serve it, someone would end up crying.

I will take a shot for every person who buys my book. I may be mildly buzzed, but I’ll still probably be able to drive home. Aww, I hope you die of alcoho...

A few times I have had to raise my voice, and it only makes me want to start drinking. Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

You can skip past my beer thoughts. Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

Andre: the beer of champagne. Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

I would rather drink boxed wine than make decisions. Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

What do you want me to do besides drink? Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

Is she having a bad time? No, she just likes liquor. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

Here’s the thing. It’s not that I drink “too much” — I’m not drunk, when I fall asleep at bars. I’m just really fuckin...

It would be nice if I didn’t have to search for you in bathrooms anymore. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

I’m going to get him hammered on blackberry brandy. Secretly. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

I like my drinks like I like my food: fighting back. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

The last time I saw you, you were yelling at a garbage. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

Well, I know vermouth is a thing… Do you now. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

I was going to tell you, but you were on the phone, that I kind of drank most of the whiskey. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

I’m just gonna be drunk at home doing laundry. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Are you trying to make yourself barf? Are you drinking Makers and wine? Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

This is going to be a rough whiskey drink with only like two ice cubes. There are five. Shut up. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Oh my gosh, I can’t find my bag. Do you need more vodka? Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Do we need to f*ck with jackets? I’ve had enough vodka where I should be fine. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Not wasted. Somewhere between jolly buzzed and fantastical. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

You smell like whiskey. I feel like whiskey. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

This punch doesn’t have like, crazy properties or anything. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.3

All this sausage mining is making me thirsty. I need a nipple of beer. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.3

Do you want to get a coffee or something? No, I don’t need any more liquids. I might get a beer in a bit. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.0

Are you enjoying your oddly-shaped beer? Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.0

I did bring a margarita to a Mexican restaurant. Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.7

Getting people drunk in order to do something is always a great first step. It alwasy ends well. …Well, it rarely ends well.

Am I that forgettable, or do these people just drink a lot of whiskey?

A zombie made with Tang is a waste of rum.

We were drinking coffee just to stay alive.

Ben found some money, so I don’t have to swig tequilla in the alley.…but that doesn’t mean you can’t.

Ahhhh, another late Sunday night kegger.

I literally had one glass, and I woke up in a bathtub two hours later.

But I feel like it’s kind of ruining alcohol. Or maybe it’s just bettering the water.

I love you, and I’m really glad you’re drunk.

Not only are you drunk on beer, you’re drunk on cheese.

But it’s No-Drink January… Ahhhh, I’m over January anyway. Stupid month.

I’m drinking like a confused 8th grader.

Like you didn’t start drinking when you were an adolescent.

OK, I smell dog fart. Who was it? Me. I had a lot of Schlitz last night.

I don’t know how long I had been drinking burr wine, but it made me puke in my mouth a little.