Category: Insults & Injury

I’m gonna lie to you all the time now. *gasp* That was a lie.

Wanna know how many fucks I have to give? Oh….there’s none! Wait, let me dig deep…let me reach into the stars…nope, still none!

Let’s not go there. You are stars today.

Oh, what stupid f*cking landscaping sh*t are you doing now?

God, I hope I don’t have to go to clown school.

It’s just that you’d be much happier if you weren’t scared of paper bags.

You’re embarrassing me in front of you.

Oh, look, it’s honey! How cute! Let’s stop and buy some, and clog up all the traffic, and burn twenty gallons of gas getting all the way out here fr...

That was quite the face you made. Well, that was quite the thing you did.

Well, I don’t know what to tell you. Tell me. No, I don’t know what to tell you. TELL ME.

Yeah. You’re awesome. You look like Kuato.

I’m gonna go get that dog turd, I’m gonna roll it up, and if you smoke it, I’ll give you a million dollars.

I hate that Joker. I want him to drop his balls.

If you’re gonna draw your sword on anyone, that’s the guy.

You remind me of John Travolta way too much.

“Alien Man.” That’s a funny name for a person.

Now it just looks like your catheter exploded!

I trust you, I just don’t believe you.

You look like the kinda guy who would have ginger ale.

We should straight murder flocks of birds, is what I’m saying.

It’s just like I said to Patrick: Shut the fuck up, Patrick.

Stop hanging out by my face.

He looked disgusted. But it might have just been his face.

Why do you look so much like an elderly ghost?

It’s hard not to be an asshole.

There you go. Now you look like a human. But not a real human.

What kind of a name is Willem? Like, his mom got lazy on the birth certificate, or fell asleep while dictating.

It’s like they don’t trust us. Like we’re a rock that likes to bang against glass.

It’s been a nonstop moronathon.

Something tells me you have an ex-girlfriend tied up in the trunk of your car.

Come on. I’m just making conversation. Well, make it on someone else.

Grow up. Get a snowmobile.

She didn’t ruin everything. Just when she was talking.

When I picked up that burning log earlier I burned my thumb.

I’m not crazy about him making monkey sounds, though. I could pass on that.

He’s the touchable type.

Yeah. Its hard to keep track of things.

If it doesn’t hurt your nose, you’re not doing it right.

It’s tired in here. Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

Come closer to me so it’s easier for me to punch you. Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

You look like a barn troll. Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

What, are you like the Robin Hood of Blockbuster? Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

Ugh, I’m sorry. I’m being a major Holden Caulfield today. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

It sounds like semen and failure down there. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

I mean, he was a weird hippie, but you know, he was well-spoken, kind of interesting, he didn’t smell– Oh, he smelled. …Oh. Well. Published wi...

Hey, you. F*ck a shrew. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Congratulations, you’re average! Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

I don’t know how I feel about that hair. I know exactly how I feel about that hair. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Do NOT get the sleep laughs. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

He’s at sleeptown. He’s eating a nap sandwich right now. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

He’s training for the Darwin awards. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

You’re an infidel. And a double-timer. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

I was being a dick to her, but it was funny. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.3

Don’t tell her. She’ll probably feel bad maybe. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.0

Do you have a lie coming out of your teeth? Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.9

I like your attitude today. It’s spicy! Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.7

You are occasionally not horrible. Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.7

I just love marinading in pointlessness. Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.7

No, I always look like this, but I usually just sit here and look at monkeys. Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.3.1

Is she one of those people who likes to take things away from themselves? Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.8

I’m going to get sickeningly close to you, buttface. Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.8

No, it’s alright, I’m listening. Can you start over? Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.1

Sometimes when I think of you I actually think of you as a Ninja Turtle.

We joke because we hurt.

Are you making fun of me or are you fingers not finging today either?

I am displeased with your shenannigans.

OK, if you’re in the lip balm business, you’d better also be in the lip balm cap business. Otherwise you’re in the business of FAIL.

What was that name I came up for her?Spiney McCutsinhalf?No, not Spiney McCutsinhalf…

Does anyone have a hacky sack?Yes, I have one downstairs. Right next to my collection of Pogs.

When I hold her, do I look like a maniac that might drop her at any second?You kind of look like that even before you hold her.

You don’t like anything good.

You kept the cockroach, of course? We killed it. Sad. We named it Frank after the hotel manager.

We are going to have a goodbye party for her. After she leaves, of course.

I want to slap him, but I also kind of want to give him a million dollars.

The amount of fun smacking around I want to do is directly proportional to the quality of the dinner I receive.

Imagine the biggest disaster ever, and it was kind of like that.

Well, you know — you win some, you lose some. Other times I just blame you for my problems.

You being an idiot doesn’t make me feel bad for you, it makes me feel bad for me.

He should just go lie down and not say anything for ten years.

I don’t want to deprive you of the sound of my voice — I know how depressed you get.Shut up.

You’re kind of my dumping bag lately, sorry. …OK, i don’t exactly know what a dumping bag is.

I’m not usual.

I certainly wish that people like Rush Limbaugh would catch the H1N1 or something like that.

Let’s not talk again for awhile, OK?OK.

I’m…just going to wander away while I mutter to myself.That’s the best way to spend your time.

Just because you’re bored doesn’t mean you can be blatantly dangerous.

You know what I miss, is cool things.

Did you just say I’m weird?