Category: The Office

Take PTO to go to a charitable event. It feels spiteful.

Sounds like a job for a librarian!

No offense, but I knew you in that era, and I don’t know how anyone was like, “Yeah, that’s manager material.”

How can you manage? You can’t even manage your life!

Do you want to have dinner before your meeting at six? Yep, my meeting’s at six. Right. Have you figured out what you want to eat? Sure, we can figure som...

Getting paid to get laid by government-issued prostitutes!

Jim Proctor? Yes. Like a proctologist? Yes. So, he’s a proctologist? Well, maybe as a hobby.

My brain is not accepting submissions at this time. Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

Jim is trying to eat my brain today. I desperately want to be there to see that. Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

i can’t type for hsit naymore Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

Are you Larry? So far… Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

Do you think she is on too much meth for our website? Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

That is ridiculous. You mean ridiculously awesome. Finish your thoughts, please. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

Is there a timeline for this? Yes, but there are no numbers. So it’s just a straight line. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

I’m just annoyed. I don’t think they’ve done anything. Also, I think they have snaggletooth. It helps me, to think they’re ugly. Publish...

So you’re saying you think asking a Monday-through-Friday online publishing company to work with you manually on Saturdays is a reasonable request? Yes, s...

I am so creepy. I was talking about it at work, and people agree. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Now that they’re in town more, I don’t get my laying-on-the-couch time. I have to sit on it. And that’s not fair. Published with Blogger-droid...

No voicemail. Maybe it was a robot, calling about enhancing my balls. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

We’ve been talking about some stuff to help idiots, in a sexy way. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

How do you make sure your ass doesn’t fall off the chair? I’m top-heavy. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

I’m not really looking to have experiences at work. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Oh my gosh, I’m going to pull my brains out. Whatever that means. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

I’m too smelly to be able to finish this document. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

I can’t really joke in the morning. I get about halfway there and then I lose it. Get some more coffee in you and we’ll try again. Published with Bl...

My mind is brewing. One moment, please. I can smell it over here! …OK, that’s weird. Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.9

What’s she doing in town? She just wants to sit with people more, and do the things… Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.8

He’s been trying to come up with a big baby head for awhile. Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.8

Ok, just continue to do nothing, and we’re good.…Can I have that job?

In a utopian society, like in Star Trek or something, I would be, like, a high-ranking assistant administrator.

At first I thought you wrote so poorly because the original email was written so poorly. Now, I realize that you’re drunk.

Did you read the email I sent you?I read about every other word.Well go read the rest of it and see if you can piece it together so it makes sense.

There’s a difference between passively waiting for visitors and going out and poking them in the eye.

So I have to go into work for 8 hours, but I’m out of work to do.Pull a George Costanza and just look really frustrated.Oh, I thought you meant take a nap...

I’m just so money-hungry, I’m always looking for something to bill.

She came over specifically to tell me I’m a good editor.Are you sure she didn’t say that you were a good eater? They sound pretty close.

It was an excellent use of my time. I did nothing while she worked.

One of these works most of the time, and one of them doesn’t work half of the time.

OK. Yup. Bye bye. *click* Whew, put down the bottle, sir… I’m contact-drunk from that call.

Do you want to take a break? No, not that kind of break — the kind where you continue working, just on a different project.

Why am i talking quietly? Because i’m working. Yes, i’m working. Yes, i don’t want to talk too loudly in the office. Yes, i love you too. Yes,...

I will always ask for more than is possible.